By Bill Huan / Pounding The Rock, 2026-09-17 23:01:10
在这出史上最离奇的“家庭内斗”剧目中，“丹尼斯叔叔”成功篡位，击败了他的侄子，加冕家族内的马刺头号大反派。
这是一场旗鼓相当的较量，代表“马刺仇敌”半区的丹尼斯叔叔以 53-47 的微弱优势险胜代表“前马刺成员”半区的卡怀。我是说，这换谁能选得出来？你是该把票投给卡怀——这位实际站在聚光灯下接受全盘审视的球员本人，还是投给幕后运筹帷幄的操盘手丹尼斯叔叔？换作以前，我敢押上毕生积蓄赌卡怀能统治整个锦标赛，但在最近与 Aspiration 丑闻相关的诸多事件曝光后，我认为投票者们的选择是完全正确的。
在签表的另一侧，来自“恶犯球员”半区的扎扎险胜了领跑“马刺杀手”半区的德里克·费舍尔 (Derek Fisher)。我觉得最搞怪的是，两位决赛入围者都与卡怀有着直接关联，但偏偏谁都不是那位“大外甥”本人。他至今依然让马刺球迷们耿耿于怀，而结合过去一年发生的事情来看，整个 NBA 恐怕也同样如此。
决赛
1. 扎扎·帕楚里亚 (Zaza Pachulia) VS 4. 丹尼斯·罗伯逊叔叔 (Uncle Dennis Robertson)
扎扎能从他的半区突围合情合理。2017 年西部决赛面对那支历史最豪华的银河战舰，马刺原本领先 20 分，正是因为他那看似“顺势”滑入卡怀落脚点的垫脚，我们才被剥夺了一轮更具竞争力的西决对决。其后果不仅是马刺惨遭横扫，扎扎还“荣获”了联盟在那个夏天为他量身定制新规则作为警示的待遇。
在另一侧，尽管结果让我有些意外，但我认为球迷们把票投给丹尼斯叔叔是完全正确的。根据我们目前所知的一切，种种迹象都表明他才是制造这一切混乱的幕后提线木偶师。这并不意味着卡怀就能洗脱干系（谁要是觉得他对快船的私下台底交易一无所知，那纯粹是在自欺欺人），但丹尼斯似乎才是那个一直在卡怀耳边吹枕边风、唆使他去搞那些见不得光勾当的人。
近因效应同样对双方起到了助推作用。如果禁赛和调查报道晚些时候才公布，我怀疑丹尼斯叔叔在整个锦标赛中绝不可能收获这么多的支持（仇恨？）；而扎扎作为他那个分区中年代最近的球员之一，也占尽了天时地利。既然两位决赛选手都与同一个人产生羁绊，我的脑海里便忍不住开始浮现出假使两人都未曾对卡怀产生影响的平行时空。
扎扎的情况很简单。如果卡怀在 2017 年西决没有倒下，马刺本来能赢下第一场，并让这轮系列赛变得更有悬念，尽管最终很可能依然难敌强大的勇士。我知道许多球迷愿意相信一支健康的马刺能够掀翻金州，但咱们现实一点吧：那可是历史最强阵容，这轮系列赛顶多打到第 6 场。
丹尼斯叔叔带来的蝴蝶效应则要耐人寻味得多。如果没有他在卡怀身旁施加蛊惑，卡怀是否会终老马刺？就我个人而言，我表示怀疑。卡怀的心思似乎一直都在洛杉矶，他迟早都会去往那里；不过离队的方式绝不会这般难看，他也完全可以等到 2019 年以自由球员的身份体面离开。
如果按照这个剧本发展，马刺或许还能多拥有两个以真正争冠者姿态竞争的赛季。进入 2017-18 赛季前卡怀依然得面对股四头肌的伤势，但如果他能听从圣安东尼奥医疗团队的建议而不是一门心思想着逃离，或许他在那个赛季就能痊愈归来，重现 100% 的风采。
2017 年夏天，克里斯·保罗 (Chris Paul) 也曾被传出有意加盟马刺，而卡怀去向的不确定性显然断送了马刺招揽这位控卫之神的机会。得到他的概率本就微乎其微，但你能想象 2018 年版本的保罗与巅峰卡怀联手的画面吗？在那个平行宇宙里，同金州勇士在西决大战七场（甚至可能淘汰对手）的将是马刺，而不是火箭。
好了，假想剧场到此为止——现在到了决出马刺终极大反派的时刻！究竟是终结了马刺 2017 年那段壮丽季后赛征程的恶汉，还是那位（但愿）再也不会听闻其名声的臭名昭著的舅舅？投下你的终极一票，让我们知晓你的抉择！
由生成式 AI 翻译，译文内容可能不准确或不完整，以原文为准。
查看原文：Spurs Villain Tournament: The Final!
Spurs Villain Tournament: The Final!
In the strangest Family Feud episode ever, Uncle Dennis has usurped his nephew as the biggest Spurs villain in their family.
It was a tightly contested match, with UD (representing “Spurs Haters”) just narrowly beating Kawhi (representing “Former Spurs”) 53-47. I mean, how could you choose? Should you vote for Kawhi, the actual player and face of all this scrutiny, or Uncle Dennis, the mastermind behind it all? I would’ve bet my entire life savings on Kawhi dominating the tournament, but after the recent events surrounding the Aspiration scandal, I think the voters got it right.
On the other side of the bracket, Zaza from the “Dirty Players” quadrant edged out Derek Fisher, who led the “Spurs Killers” section. I find it hilarious how both finalists are directly related to Kawhi, yet neither is the Nephew himself. He still lives rent-free in the heads of Spurs fans, and given what’s gone down the past year, that also applies to the NBA as a whole.
The Finals
1. Zaza Pachulia vs. 4. Uncle Dennis Robertson
Zaza coming out of his side of the bracket makes sense. He was the sole reason why we didn’t get to see a more competitive Western Conference Finals in 2017 against the greatest team ever assembled, with the Spurs up 20 when he conveniently slid into Kawhi’s landing zone. Not only was the result a sweep for the Spurs, but Zaza also had the honor of being made an example of with a new rule created that summer.
On the other side, I think the fans got it right by voting for Uncle Dennis, even if the result surprised me. From what we now know, the signs point to him being the puppet master who created all this chaos. That doesn’t mean Kawhi isn’t also complicit (whoever thinks he didn’t know about the Clippers’ side deals is lying to themselves), but Dennis seems to be the one whispering sweet lullabies in Kawhi’s ear and persuading him to go through with all the shady business.
Recency bias also helps both sides. I doubt Uncle Dennis would’ve gotten the support (hate?) he did throughout the tournament if the suspension and reporting dropped later, and Zaza being one of the most recent players in his section helped his case too. With both finalists being connected to the same player, my mind starts to come up with what-if scenarios had neither impacted Kawhi.
Zaza’s case is simple. With Kawhi still playing in the 2017 West Finals, the Spurs would’ve won game 1 and made it a more competitive series before likely still bowing out to the juggernaut Warriors. I know many fans like to believe that San Antonio would’ve beaten Golden State with a healthy Kawhi, but let’s not kid ourselves: that was the greatest team ever assembled, and the series would’ve gone 6 games max.
The Uncle Dennis implications are far more interesting. Without him casting spells on Kawhi, does that mean the latter would’ve remained a lifelong Spur? Personally, I doubt it. It seems like Kawhi always had his eyes set on LA and would’ve made his way there eventually, although the exit wouldn’t have been as messy, and he could’ve waited until 2019 to leave as a free agent.
If that scenario played out, the Spurs would’ve potentially had two more seasons to compete as a legitimate contender. Kawhi would still have dealt with his quad injury heading into the 2017-18 campaign, but perhaps he could’ve healed and come back 100% that season had he listened to San Antonio’s medical staff instead of scheming his way out of town.
Chris Paul was also rumoured to have been interested in joining the Spurs in the summer of 2017, and the Kawhi uncertainty definitely didn’t improve the Spurs’ chances of landing the Point God. The chances of acquiring him were slim to begin with, but can you imagine the 2018 version of CP3 playing alongside a prime Kawhi? In that alternate universe, the Spurs would be the ones taking Golden State to game 7 of the West Finals (and potentially beating them), and not the Rockets.
Alright, enough with the hypotheticals — it’s time to vote for the ultimate Spurs villain! Will it be the man who ended the Spurs’ exhilarating playoff run in 2017, or the infamous uncle who will (hopefully) never be heard from again? Let us know with your final vote!
By Bill Huan / Pounding The Rock
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