By Luke Kornet, 2026-02-23 19:05:23
NBA的大名单中有18个名额。除非主教练的名字叫起来和史蒂夫·科尔 (Steve Kerr) 押韵，否则通常每晚只有8到10人能上场。这就引出了一个问题：剩下的那些家伙呢？他们的名字不会每晚出现在大屏幕上，也不会在现场播音员宣布他们刚投进一球或（如果是老将球队中的新秀刚刚上场完成第一次防守回合）犯规时响彻球馆。相反，他们会坐下、起立，然后再坐下，就这样持续两个多小时，和全场观众一起看着场上发生的一切。观望、等待、期盼……但他们来这儿可不仅仅是为了在场边装帅（虽然那排场确实挺酷）！他们来这儿也不仅仅是为了碰拳、握手，或是完成30种不同的赛前仪式！不，不，不。他们穿的可不是普通的裤子。那些裤子上有扣子是有原因的。这样当他们听到自己的名字被叫到时，他们可以站起身，快步跑过去，并在那一瞬间的恐慌（希望自己没忘了穿比赛短裤）之后，刺啦一声扯掉热身裤。那是属于他们的狂欢时刻。
内景。球馆 —— 下午
一个拥有2万个座位的巨大球馆的全景镜头。各色人等正忙于日常事务。一名转播工作人员正爬在梯子上，在篮筐上方的计时器旁安装当晚比赛用的摄像机。几名竞赛制作人员在记录台旁交谈。20名古稀老人正在球场中央练习舞蹈动作，有些人的精神头和协调性显然比其他人更好。从球员通道里走出了五名球员和几名球员发展教练。球员们系好鞋带。两名球员在底线附近运球。一人在做拉伸激活，其他人则开始练习投篮。教练们询问“黄金天团”排练的《音乐之声》能否移到球场的另一侧。随着节奏切换到刚纳 (Gunna) 的音乐，球馆的灯光熄灭了。没戏。
这就是“1号大巴男孩 (Bus 1 Boy)”的生活。在赛前三个半小时到达，此时的球馆还远没有开赛时那种拥挤、嘈杂的氛围。由于昨晚冰球比赛期间狂吹的空调余威尚存，这已经是他们当天的第四次热身，能量略显低迷。不过空气中还是透着一丝兴奋，因为至少今天你们要打3对3，这意味着有充足的机会展示自己的个人进攻技巧，而在5对5甚至正式比赛中，这种机会根本不存在。坏消息是，他们叫来了那个目前在发展联盟场均每36分钟前场篮板（和犯规）领先全联盟的双向合同新秀。而且尽管他们尽了最大努力，你们的球员发展教练也没有经历过职业裁判那种严苛、顶尖的培训，没有走过那条漫长而艰辛的道路，去成为这个国家有史以来最值得信赖、最称职的司法裁决力量（托尼·布罗德斯 (Tony Brothers) 在看吗？）。长话短说，场面会变得火药味十足。
对抗赛结束。回到更衣室待上几个小时，每个人都开始做准备。鸡肉意面味道还行，但负责花生酱果酱三明治 (PB&J) 的大厨放果酱太吝啬了。花生酱太多。（刚收到一条来自黑名单号码的短信，说我踩到了贝克斯特·霍姆斯 (Baxter Holmes) 的领地，最好赶紧滚蛋。天哪，新闻界竟然比我想象的还要充满敌意。）举重。和球员发展教练一起看录像。放松。吃个水果杯？放松。忽略屏幕使用时间的提醒。难道我们还没从Wii上学到教训吗？那条提醒我正在浪费生命并建议我“去户外走走”的通知，在十分之一秒内就会被点掉。如果你真想让我放下手机，你就不会允许我用画中画模式看YouTube了。算法永远立于不败之地。
赛前谈话。围在一起加油。跑出通道。膝盖状态欠佳。今天的第五次热身。国歌。今天唱得不错！出场介绍。击掌。击掌。撞肩！比赛开始。坐下，站起，坐下，站起，再坐下（做一个单膝跪地的髋屈肌拉伸，你基本上就成了个虔诚的教徒！）。到了第四节，分差是14分。如果我们能在节中把分差拉大到20分，那就有足够的时间上去搞点名堂了！还剩7分钟，领先18分。抢断！二打一！传球，回传，准备空接……手滑了，失误，对方快攻，进了个3分。“我们在搞什么？！这帮不守纪律的显眼包！”你在心里嘀咕，顺便和坐在九排后的“黄金天团”团长交换了个眼神。领先优势守住了，直到比赛还剩不到3分钟，你的名字才被叫到。由于没有死球，直到1分52秒你才被换上场。你在比赛还剩41秒时抢到了一个防守篮板，完成了第一次触球。你运球向前，面对一群根本不想退防的对手，这时教练给你做了个“就运过半场”的手势。你一半的上场时间都花在耗尽进攻时间上，并在终场哨响前完成一圈碰拳。你的球员发展教练告诉你，明天早上9点回球馆训练。噢耶。
福利！ 这首歌诞生于2022-23 NBA赛季一次前往球馆的1号大巴上。当我上车并发出我那仪式性的呐喊“1号——大巴——”时，我向那帮以前被称为“1号大巴男孩”¹的老熟人打招呼。就在那时，我的思绪飘向了一个和谐交响的极乐之地，因为我脑海深处传来了以比利·乔 (Billy Joel) 的《Uptown Girl》为曲调的“Bus 1 Boys”。不用说，在前往球馆的漫长车程余下的时间里，我一直蜷缩在手机旁写下了如下的歌词和副歌：
[第一节]
1号大巴男孩
在赛前的嘈杂中早早投篮
下午4点的球馆空无一人
他们一定要排练整首国歌吗？
[第二节]
我们一直是1号大巴男孩
你从来不需要展现1号大巴的沉稳
这15分钟是我的高光时刻
伴舞团能别靠近三分线吗？
尽量别抱怨
[桥段]
在投篮训练前，我们9点就到场了
到赛后的力量单车，我们已经热身了8次
[第三节]
1号大巴男孩！
第四节落后30分，1号大巴终于出动
我终于可以扯掉这条热身裤
两次投篮都没进，没错，我搞砸了
法国那边的薪水给得高吗？
¹本文献给世界各地的1号大巴男孩，特别是最初的1号大巴男孩们：布雷克 (Blake)、贾斯汀 (Justin)、诺亚 (Noah)、佩顿 (Payton)、萨姆 (Sam)（以及特别嘉宾 JD 和 姆菲翁杜 (Mfiondu)）
由生成式人工智能翻译，译文内容可能不准确或不完整，以原文为准。
点击查看原文：A Day in the Life of a Bus 1 Boy
A Day in the Life of a Bus 1 Boy
There are 18 spots on an NBA roster. And unless the coach’s name rhymes with Shmeeve Shmerr only 8–10 play on a given night. Which begs the question. What about the other guys? Their names do not nightly adorn the marquee or reverberate throughout the arena as the PA guy announces their last basket or (if it’s a rookie on a veteran team that just checked in for their first defensive possession) foul. Rather they sit, stand, and sit again for two-plus hours, watching the going-ons of the night along with the rest of the crowd. Watching, waiting, hoping… But they didn’t come just to look cute on that sideline (as fire as that lineup may be)! They didn’t come just to dap up, handshake, and do 30 different pregame rituals! No, no, no. Those aren’t any ordinary pair of pants they put on. They have buttons for a reason. So that when they hear their name called, they can stand up, hustle over, and after that little moment of panic hoping they didn’t forget to put their game shorts on, rip those puppies right off. Euphoria.
INT. ARENA — AFTERNOON
A wide shot of a vast 20,000 seat arena. Various people tend to their day’s duties. A broadcast staffer works on a ladder, installing a camera above the shot clock for the night’s game. A few game production members discuss at the scorers table. Twenty septuagenarians practice a dance routine at mid-court, some more alert and competent than others. Out of the tunnel five players and several player development coaches emerge. The players lace up their shoes. Two line up on the baseline for some ball handling. One does some activations as others start firing off shots. The coaches ask if the The Golden Gang’s rehearsal of The Sound of Music could be moved towards the other side of the court. The arena lights cut out as the beat switches to Gunna. No dice.
This is the life of the Bus 1 Boy. Arriving three and a half hours before the game, the arena is far from resembling the crowded, rowdy atmosphere it will be come opening tip. Already warming up for the fourth time of the day, the energy is a little low as the A/C blasted during last night’s hockey game has held strong. There is however a little electricity in the air as at least you’re playing 3-on-3 this day, which means there is ample opportunity to get in one’s bag that does not exist within 5-on-5 and certainly not in actual game time. Bad news is they called up the rookie two-way that’s currently leading the G-league in offensive rebounds (and fouls) per 36. And despite their best efforts, your player development coach did not go through the rigorous, elite training that all certified NBA referees undergo in the long, arduous journey to become the most trusted and competent force of judicial arbiters this country has ever seen (is Tony Brothers reading this?). Long story short, it will get chippy.
Play group ends. Back to the locker room for a couple hours while everyone gets their prep in. The chicken pasta is decent, but the PB&J chef was a little skimpy on the jelly. Too much peanut butter. (Just got a text from a blocked number that I’m stepping on Baxter Holmes’ territory and I better beat it. Man, this world of journalism is more hostile than I once thought.) Lift. Watch some film with PD coach. Chill. Fruit cup? Chill. Ignore screen time notification. Did we learn nothing with the Wii? A notification that I’m wasting my life on this device and I should “Go outside” is a tenth-of-a-second click from disappearing. If you wanted me off, you wouldn’t have allowed me to watch YouTube picture-in-picture. The algorithm remains undefeated.
Pre-game talk. Huddle. Run out. Knees are below optimal. Fifth warmup of the day. Anthem. Pretty good today! Intros. High five. High five. Shoulder bump! Game begins. Sit, stand, sit, stand, sit, (hit a half-kneeling hip-flexor stretch and you’re basically Catholic!). You arrive at the fourth quarter, it’s a fourteen point game. If we can get it up to 20 halfway through the quarter then that’s some real time to do damage! Seven minutes left, eighteen point game. Steal! We got a two on one! Pass, hit back, goes for the lob…Bobbled, turnover, they kick ahead, hit a 3. “What are we doing?! Undisciplined show-offs!” you think internally, jinxing with The Golden Gang’s captain nine rows up. The lead holds and your name isn’t called until under 3 minutes to go. No dead balls extends it to 1:52 by the time you check in. You get your first touch on a defensive rebound with 41 seconds left. You push out a dribble to a reluctantly getting-back defense before your coach gives you the “just dribble it across.” Half your game time is spent letting the shot clock run out as you make your round of daps before the buzzer hits zero. Your PD coach lets you know that you’re on court at 9 tomorrow morning. Oorah.
BONUS! It was during one of these fateful Bus 1 rides to the arena in the 2022–23 NBA Season that a song was born. As I onboarded and let out my then-ceremonial “Buuus Onneeeee” I greeted the usual crew formerly known as the Bus 1 Boys¹. It was then that my mind drifted, nay, was beckoned towards a place of harmonious, symphonic rapture as I heard in the deep recesses “Bus 1 Boys” to the tune of Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl.” Needless to say the remainder of the long bus ride to the arena was spent curled over my phone writing the verses and chorus as follows:
[Verse 1]
Bus 1 Boys
Shooting early with the pregame noise
Nobody at the gym at 4 pm
Do they have to rehearse the whole anthem?
[Verse 2]
We’ve always been the Bus 1 Boys
You’ve never had to show the Bus 1 Poise
These 15 minutes are my time to shine
Can the Dancers not approach the 3 point line?
Try not to whine
[Bridge]
And before shootaround we’re oncourt at niiiiiine
By postgame assault bike we’ve warmed up 8 tiiiiiimes
[Verse 3]
Bus 1 Boys!
Down 30 late fourth, Bus 1’s finally deployed
At last I get to tear away these pants
Missed my two shots, no I blew my chance
Do they pay well in France?
¹This article is dedicated to Bus 1 Boys everywhere but particularly the original Bus 1 Boys: Blake, Justin, Noah, Payton, Sam (w/ special guests JD and Mfiondu)
By Luke Kornet, via 科内特博客