By Son Q. Trinh | Pounding The Rock (PtR), 2025-06-21 05:00:11
由生成式人工智能翻译，译文内容可能不准确或不完整，以原文为准。
同甘共苦。人总要为了生存。
不是你的问题，是我的问题。
经过慎重考虑，我们找到了经验更符合此岗位特定需求的候选人——我们会将您的申请存档，以备未来有机会。
我想我们需要冷静一下。
我需要专注于我的事业/我自己。
这是一个艰难的决定，我们祝您在求职过程中一切顺利。
我们还是做朋友吧。
先生，这里是阿比斯快餐店。
被拒绝的滋味对谁来说都不好受。无论是雇主还是潜在的恋爱对象“左滑”了你，没人会特别享受被告知不被需要的感觉。通常，传达信息的人无论说什么，都无法让接收者感觉更好。这种情景在职业体育领域同样会带来沉重打击，当一名运动员的职业生涯、生计、热情和自尊心，仅仅因为教练或管理层对他的主观评价而突然轰然崩塌时。
当然，对于普通大众来说，一名百万富翁被一家数十亿美元的特许经营球队解雇，并不是最能引起共鸣的事情，但被拒绝的感觉是一种原始的、负面的人类情感，没人会期待。最近且最具冲击力的拒绝例子，莫过于达拉斯独行侠将卢卡·东契奇 (Luca Dončić) 交易到洛杉矶湖人队。这位征战七年的超级巨星拥有令许多现役或退役NBA球员都望尘莫及的履历（探花秀、年度最佳新秀、2024年得分王、5届全明星、5次入选最佳阵容、球队门面、联盟招牌，距离带领球队闯入NBA总决赛还不到一个赛季），但这一切都无关紧要。最终，东契奇是在沙姆斯·查拉尼亚 (Shams Charania) 发出交易细节推特的前一刻，通过一通电话得知了消息。
在竞争异常激烈的职业体育世界里，尤其是在动辄牵涉到数十亿美元利益的情况下，艰难的决定往往不会被“糖衣炮弹”所包裹。可以说，人们不想要包裹着虚伪糖衣的陈词滥调，而是希望得到一个直接、诚实的理由，说明他们的服务为何不再被需要——即使是分道扬镳，也渴望一份更深层次的人际连接。话语的力量至关重要。
因此，知道格雷格·波波维奇 (Gregg Popovich) 在与他执教过的所有球员进行艰难对话时，无论时间长短，在他整个NBA执教生涯中，都经常展现出同理心，这并不令人惊讶。 完整的文章可以在上方链接中找到，其中关于善良与真诚的心理学部分值得一读。
“凯斯，我真的认为你是一名优秀的球员，你很有机会成为一名高水平球员，我看到了你的潜力。但现在，我无法让你变得足够有侵略性。我认为达柳斯表现得比你更有侵略性。我真的觉得你听进了我的话，并且努力去做了，你只是还没准备好——但我能看出来你真的很努力。”
来自德克萨斯州沃斯堡的凯斯·兰福德 (Keith Langford) 就经历过这样一次艰难对话，他在2007赛季开始前被圣安东尼奥马刺队裁掉。对他来说，这次经历最突出的是，波波维奇花时间亲自传达了这一信息，并且直接坦诚，同时不失鼓励。
当马刺球迷仍在消化波波维奇卸任球队主教练的消息时，通过发现场外新的趣闻轶事，我们可以更好地回味他作为教练和个人所展现的伟大。国家媒体有时将他描绘成一个脾气暴躁的老头，而当被媒体问及时，他的个人和政治观点总能在NBA推特圈（乃至整个社交媒体）引发热议。你无需深入探究就能发现，那个“暴躁”的形象只是一种伪装，几乎是对肤浅媒体互动的一种个人抗议。
随意的旁观者可能会看到一个在NBA总决赛抢七大战第四节开始前的暂停期间，不耐烦地用讽刺、粗暴的回答应对场边采访的家伙，但当波波维奇在公共场合卸下防备时——哪怕只是一瞬间——也很容易看出他究竟是怎样一个人。最能想到的例子就是当年波波维奇欢迎已故的传奇记者克雷格·萨格 (Craig Sager) 重返场边，而萨格当时正在与癌症抗争。
其他例子包括波波维奇多次裁掉丹尼·格林 (Danny Green) 却又给了他另一次机会，而格林则通过成为2014年总冠军球队的核心成员，报答了波波维奇和马刺队。你无需在互联网上搜索很久，就能找到更多关于波波维奇教练与他的球员进行直接、坦诚且艰难对话的故事：比如飞到加州确认科怀·伦纳德 (Kawhi Leonard) 无论是否留在马刺队的未来计划，在德马尔·德罗赞 (DeMar DeRozan) 父亲去世时安慰他，以及像兰福德 (Langford) 那样的球员裁员，通常这种信息都是由低级别工作人员而非主教练来传达的，甚至是2013年雷·阿伦 (Ray Allen) 那记臭名昭著的扳平比分底角三分帮助迈阿密热火队夺得总冠军后数小时，在迈阿密举行的一次振奋人心的球队聚餐。关于波波维奇和他遇到的人，还有许多其他故事，但共同点仍然是真诚和尊重总能带来深远的影响。
从局外人的角度来看，格雷格·波波维奇管理球队的方式，就像他管理教室、公司和家庭一样：带着感激和真诚。传递的信息也许会令人感到刺痛，但传达信息的人可以通过以尊重、理解和善意对待接收者来减轻这种刺痛。
点击查看原文：Gregg Popovich and the Art of the Difficult Conversation
Gregg Popovich and the Art of the Difficult Conversation
Win it together. Lose it together. Man’s got to eat.
It’s not you, it’s me.
After careful consideration, we have found a candidate whose experience better matches the specific needs of this role—we will be keeping your application on file for future opportunities.
I think we need a break.
I need to focus on my career/myself.
This was a difficult decision, and we wish you the best of luck in your job search.
Let’s just be friends.
Sir, this is Arby’s.
Rejection is no fun for anyone. Whether an employer or romantic interest swipes left on you, no one particularly enjoys being told they are not wanted. Often, nothing the person delivering the message can say will make the recipient feel any better. This scenario also hits hard in professional sports when an athlete’s career, livelihood, passion, and ego come suddenly crashing down based on a coach’s or front office’s subjective evaluation of that athlete.
Sure a millionaire being let go by a multi-billion dollar franchise is not the most relatable thing for everyday Joes and Janes, but the feeling of rejection is a raw, negative human emotion no one looks forward to. The most recent and impactful example of rejection that comes to mind is the Dallas Maverick’s trade of Luca Dončić to the Los Angeles Lakers. It did not matter that the 7-year superstar had a résumé not many current or former NBA players could boast (drafted 3rd overall, Rookie of the Year, 2024 scoring champion, 5-time All-Star, 5-time All-NBA, face of the franchise, face of the league, less than one season removed from leading his team to the NBA Finals). In the end, Dončić found out via a phone call moments before Shams Charania tweeted out the trade details.
In the super competitive world of professional sports, especially with billions of dollars on the line, tough decisions do not always come sugarcoated. Arguably, people do not want aspartame laced clichés but a direct, honest reason why their services are no longer needed—a deeper human connection, even if parting ways. Words matter.
It’s no surprise then to know that Gregg Popovich often displayed empathy when having difficult conversations with all of the players he coached, whether briefly or over 20 years during his entire NBA coaching career. The entire article can be found in the link above, and it’s worth a read about the psychology of kindness and honesty.
“I really think you’re a good player, Keith, and you have a chance to be a high-level player, I see it in you. But right now, I couldn’t get you to be aggressive enough. And I think Darius showed a little more aggression than you did. I really felt like you took what I was saying to you and really tried to do it, you just aren’t ready—but I can tell you are really trying.”
Fort Worth, Texas’s own Keith Langford had one of those tough conversations, being cut from the San Antonio Spurs roster before the start of the 2007 season. What stood out for him from this specific moment was that Popovich took the time to deliver the message personally and was directly honest, yet encouraging.
As Spurs fans are still processing the news of Popovich’s retirement from coaching the team, it’s a nice reminder of his greatness as a coach and a person by discovering new tidbits of stories beyond the court. The national media sometimes portrayed him as a curmudgeon, and NBA Twitter (and social media in general) buzzed around his personal and political opinions when prompted by said media. You don’t need to look that deep to see that that “cranky” persona is only a mask, almost like a personal protest against superficial media interactions.
Casual observers might see a sarcastic, grumpy dude impatiently short-answering sideline interview questions during a break before the 4th quarter begins in Game 7 of the NBA Finals, but it’s also easy to see the type of person Popovich really is when he lets his guard down in public—even if just for a moment. The best example that comes to mind is that time Popovich welcomed the late, great Craig Sager back to the sidelines, who had been battling cancer.
Other examples include the many times Popovich cut Danny Green only to give him another shot, and Green rewarded Pop and the Spurs by becoming an essential member of the 2014 championship team. You will not have to go far on the internet to find more stories about Coach Popovich having direct, honest, and tough conversations with his players: flying out to California to confirm Kawhi Leonard’s future plans with or without the Spurs, consoling DeMar DeRozan when his dad passed away, all of the roster cuts like Langford’s where usually it’s a lower-level staff member delivering the message rather than the head coach, or even the uplifting team dinner in Miami hours after Ray Allen’s infamous game-tying corner 3 that buoyed the Miami Heat to the championship in 2013. So many other stories are out there about Popovich and the people he encounters, but the common thread remains that authenticity and respect goes a long way.
From an outsider’s perspective, Gregg Popovich coached his team the same way he might lead a classroom, a company, and his family: with appreciation and honesty. The message might sting, but the bearer of that message can mitigate that sting by approaching the recipient with respect, understanding, and kindness.
By Son Q. Trinh, via Pounding The Rock