By Charlie Thaddeus | Pounding The Rock (PtR), 2025-04-03 01:30:00
由生成式人工智能翻译，译文内容可能不准确或不完整，以原文为准。
第四节什么的，反正都被高估了
周二晚上输给魔术的比赛，标志着马刺遭遇了五连败，创下了本赛季最长的连败纪录。这可不是什么值得打破的纪录，而且当我们今天早上醒来时，所有身处“马刺国度”的人都感到压力巨大。
在这种时候，我认为我们能做的最重要的事情就是承担责任。本着这种精神，我们决定在总部召集媒体，举行一次加长版的紧急 WWL赛后新闻发布会 。
（加长版，紧急）WWL赛后新闻发布会
– 这真的是紧急情况吗？
– 毫无疑问。球队正在挣扎，而我这个作者也一片狼藉。我只能靠一些古怪的花招和噱头来拼凑文字。我喝了四杯咖啡才能来上班。
– 好的。看起来你个人正在经历一场危机，如果你愿意，我们可以深入探讨一下。但马刺队应该没问题吧？
– 哦，他们没问题，当然。他们已经连输了五场，而且篮球打得也不怎么样，但对，他们没问题。
– 打得不怎么样？他们时不时地打得还不错。在这波连败期间，他们和凯尔特人队打得很激烈。昨晚的比赛，他们有三节都在压制魔术队。他们已经展现出变好的迹象了！现在有人期望他们做得更多吗？
– 叹气 嗯。我想，现在没有了。肯定没有了。
– 他们赛季报销了两名最好的球员！他们有一位菜鸟教练，正在努力填补一位传奇人物的空缺！这不是问题。输球才是他们应该做的。
– 更深的叹气 好的，这就是我个人危机的根源所在。想想你刚才说的那句话。“输球才是他们应该做的。”剥离语境。忘记你所了解的当今职业篮球的运作方式。从根本的人性层面来思考这句话。真正地用心感受它。“输球才是他们应该做的。”这就像我鞋里的一颗石子。我可以继续走，但它就在那里，啃噬着我的灵魂。
– 所以你的观点是，作为人类，我们不应该接受“输球才是我们应该做的”这个说法？
– 我们都在同一条道路上，朝着同一个方向前进。唯一的区别是我们是在活着还是在死去。
– 好的。我们…我们稍微踩一下刹车。
– 同意，我可能比我预期的更快地进入了状态。
– 让我们来谈谈篮球。你昨晚看到了什么？这应该是一个“我们学到了什么”的专栏——可能会有人来这里，希望，我也不知道，学到一些东西。
– 当然。我会说，没有什么比了解我们的灵魂更重要的了，但是…
– 嘿！专注点！
– 对，对。好的，所以昨晚的马刺队，正如你雄辩地指出的那样，还行。他们因为伤病而实力大减，不得不打出一系列的阵容，这些阵容简直是…我是很喜欢俾斯麦·比永博(Bismack Biyombo)，但这上场的比永博实在是太多了。
– 桑德罗·马穆克拉什维利(Sandro Mamukelashvili)呢？你喜欢那家伙！他昨晚上场了大约20分钟！
– 听着，我喜欢Mamu。为了喜欢Mamu，我决定跳过他对昨晚表现的评价。
– 也许这是最好的。
– 这里没有什么分析可做的！这就是问题所在。我们可以尽情地挑剔它，但实际上，那支球队根本就不是一支真正的球队。他们努力对抗了一支坚韧、有天赋且有点古怪的魔术队。他们坚持了三节，应该为此受到赞扬。我希望我可以将这种努力结晶化，并把它藏起来以供日后欣赏，因为第四节发生的一切都让我的热情消散了。
– 从领先11分到落后14分的崩盘没有让你兴奋吗？
– 可以这么说。
– 嗯，你喜欢在这里搞一些奇怪的东西。为什么不利用一些酷炫的新时代哲学来处理这件事呢？也许是关于以线性方式体验时间的概念，是被一个腐败的社会植入我们大脑的，这个社会已经忘记了真正活着的意义？
– 嘿，别这样。我没心情。
– 我只是觉得你对事情太苛刻了。在过去的一个月里，你一直在是否应该关心输赢、表现指标等等问题上摇摆不定。我一直坐在这里，看着你宣布你将从现在开始保持积极的态度，并且这次会坚持下去，然后又因为…什么？一场无关紧要的赛季末输给魔术队的比赛而陷入一场存在主义危机？我们在这里做什么？
– 这样说起来，听起来确实不太酷。
– 一点都不酷。没有人喜欢这种小循环。要么乐天派，要么忧郁。选一边吧。
– 我理解你的沮丧，我真的理解。但我不会选一边。
– 叹气
– 不，听我说完。我不会选一边，因为事情不是这样运作的。当一支运动队的球迷不是这样运作的。你因为各种各样的原因而将自己投入到这支球队中，然后你就…体验它。你每天都生活在其中。有时你感觉有点疏远。也许你会错过几场比赛，不再关注每天的动态。有时你会全情投入，感觉每一场比赛、每一节、每一次进攻都事关生死。我无法决定如何对某件事做出反应——我只能做出反应。有时输球并不痛苦，有时则不然。我唯一的工作就是让你了解球队的状况。
– 所以你如实地报道你所看到的。
– 我想是吧。是的。
– 所以…你今天早上向我们抛出了很多东西，但让我们来做一个总结。在这场比赛之后，我们感觉如何？
– 无聊。我感到无聊。老实说，我认为这就是让我感觉不好的原因。我宁愿这场比赛直接让我感到难过！你懂吗？
– 你感觉难过…但想要感受到另一种难过？
– 没错！我想要感受到真实的东西。我想要一场在最后一秒被三分球绝杀的季后赛失利。我想要在关键时刻的一次毁灭性的失误，发生在比赛的关键时刻。我想要对手把我们的一个球员扣翻在地，然后在人群中对我们嗤之以鼻，我们所有人都怒不可遏地向他发出嘘声。让血液沸腾起来！我想要和这支球队一起全情投入，并为一些事情而激动！我已经厌倦了看着马刺队，只是…感到无聊。
– 这是一个漫长的赛季。
– 一个非常漫长的赛季。
– 你现在已经连续做了两个噱头专栏了——在赛季末还有什么特别的计划吗？
– 魔术师从不透露他的秘密。
– 你可能只是会变得很奇怪，对吧？
– 是的。
点击查看原文：What We Learned from the Spurs loss to the Magic
What We Learned from the Spurs loss to the Magic
4th quarters are overrated anyway
The loss to the Magic on Tuesday night marked five in a row for the Spurs. A season-high losing streak. Not exactly a record that anyone was looking to shatter, and one that is certainly weighing heavily on everyone in Spursland as we wake up this morning.
In times like this, I think the most important thing we can do is be accountable and, in the spirit of that, we’ve decided to assemble the press at our headquarters and hold an extended, emergency WWL POST GAME PRESS CONFERENCE.
(extended, emergency) WWL POST GAME PRESS CONFERENCE
– Is this actually an emergency?
– Without a doubt. The team is floundering and this writer is in shambles. I’m resorting to weird gimmicks and stunts just to get words on the page. I needed four cups of coffee before I could even show up to work today.
– Right. Well, so personally you seem to be going through a bit of a crisis, which we can dig into if you want, but the Spurs are probably okay, yes?
– Oh, they’re okay, sure. They’ve lost five straight and aren’t very good at basketball, but yeah, they are okay.
– Aren’t very good? They seem to be playing pretty well here and there. They put up a fight against the Celtics during this losing streak. For three quarters of the game last night they were taking it to the Magic. They’ve shown flashes of being good! Is anyone expecting them to be more than that right now?
– sigh Well. Not anymore, I guess. Certainly not anymore.
– They’ve lost their two best players for the season! They have a first-year head coach who is trying to fill the shoes of a living legend! This isn’t a problem. Losing games is what they should be doing.
– even deeper sigh Okay, so this is where the crisis is coming into play for me, personally. Think about that sentence you just said. “Losing games is what they should be doing.” Strip away the context. Forget what you know about how professional basketball works these days. Consider that statement on a fundamental, human level. Really feel it in your bones. “Losing games is what they should be doing.” It’s like a pebble in my shoe. I can keep on walking, but it’s in there and it’s gnawing at my soul.
– So your argument is that we shouldn’t, as humans, accept that losing is what we’re supposed to be doing?
– We’re all on the same path, headed in the same direction. The only difference is whether we’re living or dying.
– Ok. Let’s… let’s pump the brakes a little here.
– Agreed, I maybe spun out quicker than I was expecting in this bit.
– Let’s talk basketball. What did you see last night? This is supposed to be a What We Learned column—someone might show up here and expect to, I don’t know, learn something.
– Sure. I’d argue that there’s nothing more important we can learn about than our souls but…
– Hey! Focus!
– Right, right. Okay, so last night the Spurs were, as you so eloquently put it, fine. They were decimated by injuries and forced to play a series of lineups that were just… I mean, I love Bismack Biyombo, but this was a significant amount of Bismack Biyombo.
– What about Sandro Mamukelashvili? You love that guy! He got to play like 20 minutes last night!
– Look, I love Mamu and, in the interest of loving Mamu, I’m going to go ahead and move past his performance from last night.
– Yeah, that’s maybe for the best.
– There’s not much analysis to be done here! That’s the thing. We can pick it apart all we want, but this was basically not a real team out there. They played hard against a Magic team that is tough and talented and a little weird. They held their own for three quarters and they should be applauded for that. I wish I could crystallize that effort and squirrel it away somewhere to enjoy later, because everything that happened in the 4th quarter just let the air out of my balloon.
– The collapse from 11-point lead to 14-point deficit wasn’t doing it for you?
– Safe to say.
– Well, you like to get weird with it on here. Why not tap into some cool, new-age philosophy to deal with it? Maybe something about how the concept of experiencing time in a linear fashion is a construct programmed into us by a corrupt society that’s forgotten what it’s like to truly live?
– Hey, cut it out. I’m not in the mood.
– I just think you’re being too hard on things here. This was nothing. You’ve spent the past month waffling back and forth on whether or not to care about wins and losses and performance metrics and all the rest. I’ve sat here and watched you declare that you’re going to have a positive attitude from now on and that this time it’s going to stick right before spiraling back into an existential crisis over… what? A no-stakes late season loss to the Magic? What are we doing here?
– Doesn’t sound very cool when you lay it out like that.
– It’s NOT very cool. No one is having a good time with this little cycle. Either be happy-go-lucky or morose. Pick a lane.
– I understand the frustration, I do. But I’m not going to pick a lane.
– sigh
– No, hear me out. I’m not going to pick a lane because that’s not how this works. That’s not how being a fan of a sports team works. You plug yourself into this team for a variety of reasons and then you just… experience it. You live it every single day. Sometimes you feel a little distant. Maybe you miss a few games and check out of the day-to-day. Sometimes you lock in and feel like every game, quarter, and possession is life or death. I can’t just decide how to react to something—I can only react. Sometimes the losses don’t hurt, sometimes they do. My only job is to keep you apprised on the status.
– So you call ’em like you see ’em.
– I guess so. Yeah.
– So… you’ve thrown a lot of stuff at us this morning, but let’s go ahead and make a call. How did we feel after this one?
– Bored. I felt bored. Which, honestly, I think that’s what’s led me to feeling bad. I’d rather the game just made me feel bad straight up! You know?
– You feel bad…but want to feel a different kind of bad?
– Exactly! I want to feel something real. I want a playoff loss on a last-second three. I want a devastating turnover down the stretch in a pivotal moment of a game that matters. I want an opponent dunking one of our guys into next week and then sneering at us in the crowd and we all bristle and boo him. Get the blood pumping! I want to LOCK THE HELL IN with this team and get fired up about something! I’m tired of watching the Spurs and just… feeling bored.
– It’s been a long season.
– A really long season.
– You’ve done two gimmick columns in a row now—anything else special planned for the home stretch?
– A magician never reveals his secrets.
– You’re probably just going to be weird, yeah?
– Yeah.
By Charlie Thaddeus, via Pounding The Rock